This is the #SLAA Online Group website.
This is not the official SLAA website.
Welcome to the
#SLAA Online Group
of Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous
on StarLink-IRC.Org IRC
Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous neither endorses nor recommends
other organizations; their references are only to provide individuals
with the opportunity to learn about other Twelve Step, Twelve Tradition
recovery groups dealing with addiction to sex, love and relationships.
The Twelve Steps and the Twelve Traditions are reprinted and adapted
with permission of Alcoholics Anonymous World Services. Inc. Permission
to reprint and adapt the Twelve Steps does not mean that AA is affiliated
with this program.
Non-Conference Approved Literature Statement
The Conference understands that some patterns of our addiction have a
lack of experience reflected within our literature. In an effort
to fill this gap, we encourage members to submit their personal experience
to the Journal and the [Conference Literature Committee] CLitC for sharing
with the entire Fellowship. While each group is autonomous, the
Conference does not encourage the use of non-Conference-Approved literature
(outside literature does not include S.L.A.A. literature in draft form).
If any group chooses to use non-Conference-Approved literature, it ought
to be clearly defined as such. We do encourage the practice of our
12 Steps and 12 Traditions for all members and groups in recovery from
our addiction. Vehicles for distribution will include the bulk mailing,
F.W.S. Newsletter, the Journal, etc.
The excerpts from the book, Alcoholics Anonymous
are reprinted with permission of Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc. (AAWS).
Permission to reprint these excerpts does not mean that A.A.W.S. has reviewed
or approved the contents of this website, or that A.A.W.S. necessarily agrees
with the views expressed herein. A.A. is a program of recovery from alcoholism
only — use of these excerpts in connection with programs
and activities which are patterned after A.A., but which address other problems,
or in any other non-A.A.-context, does not imply otherwise.
SLAA Fellowship Wide Services distributes the book Sex and Love
Addicts Anonymous (our “Basic Text”) and numerous
pamphlets which are the only S.L.A.A. Conference approved literature at
this time. They also distribute a Pocket Tool Kit,
a bi-monthly Journal which is a “meeting in print,”
“The First Ten Years of the Journal”(in three
volumes), a quarterly newsletter, an annual World
Directory of meetings, and a Conference Service Manual.
All of these items may be purchased directly from S.L.A.A.
Fellowship Wide Services.
In addition to the following short
readings, please check out the “Recovery Books” link to the left,
as well as the other links on this site.
Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous is a Twelve Step, Twelve Tradition oriented
fellowship based on the model pioneered by Alcoholics Anonymous. The only
qualification for S.L.A.A. membership is a desire to stop living out a
pattern of sex and love addiction. S.L.A.A. is supported entirely through
the contributions of its membership and is free to all who need it.
To counter the destructive consequences of sex and love addiction, we
draw on five major resources:
1. Sobriety. Our willingness to stop acting out in our own personal bottom-line
addictive behavior on a daily basis.
2. Sponsorship / Meetings. Our capacity to reach out for the supportive
fellowship within S.L.A.A.
3. Steps. Our practice of the Twelve Step program of recovery to achieve
sexual and emotional sobriety.
4. Service. Our giving back to the S.L.A.A. community what we continue
to freely receive.
5. Spirituality. Our developing a relationship with a Power greater than
ourselves which can guide and sustain us in recovery.
As a fellowship, S.L.A.A. is not affiliated with any other organizations,
movements, or causes, either religious or secular.
We are, however, united in a common focus: dealing with our addictive
sexual and emotional behavior. We find a common denominator in our obsessive/compulsive
patterns which renders any personal differences of sexual or gender orientation
We need protect with special care the anonymity of every S.L.A.A. member.
Additionally we try to avoid drawing undue attention to S.L.A.A. as a
whole from the public media..
Our common welfare should come first; personal recovery
depends upon S.L.A.A. unity.
For our group purpose there is but one ultimate
authority — a loving God as this Power may be expressed through our group
conscience. Our leaders are but trusted servants; they do not govern.
only requirement for S.L.A.A. membership is the desire to stop living out a pattern
of sex and love addiction. Any two or more persons gathered together for
mutual aid in recovering from sex and love addiction may call themselves an S.L.A.A.
group, provided that as a group they have no other affiliation.
should be autonomous except in matters affecting other groups or S.L.A.A. as a
Each group has but one primary purpose — to carry its message
to the sex and love addict who still suffers.
An S.L.A.A. group or S.L.A.A.
as a whole ought never to endorse, finance, or lend the S.L.A.A. name to any related
facility or outside enterprise, lest problems of money, property, or prestige
divert us from our primary purpose.
Every S.L.A.A. group ought to be fully
self-supporting, declining outside contributions.
S.L.A.A. should remain
forever nonprofessional, but our service centers may employ special workers.
as such ought never to be organized, but we may create service boards or committees
directly responsible to those they serve.
S.L.A.A. has no opinion on outside
issues, hence the S.L.A.A. name ought never to be drawn into public controversy.
public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion; we need
always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio, TV, film, and
other public media. We need guard with special care the anonymity of all
fellow S.L.A.A. members.
Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all
our traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities.
FOR ADAPTATION BY PERMISSION OF A.A. WORLD SERVICES, INC.
Characteristics of Sex and Love Addiction (a
Having few healthy boundaries, we become sexually involved
with and/or emotionally attached to people without knowing them.
abandonment and loneliness, we stay in and return to painful, destructive relationships,
concealing our dependency needs from ourselves and others, growing more isolated
and alienated from friends and loved ones, ourselves, and God.
emotional and/or sexual deprivation, we compulsively pursue and involve ourselves
in one relationship after another, sometimes having more than one sexual or emotional
liaison at a time.
We confuse love with neediness, physical and sexual
attraction, pity and/or the need to rescue or being rescued.
We feel empty
and incomplete when we are alone. Even though we fear intimacy and commitment,
we continually search for relationships and sexual contacts.
stress, guilt, loneliness, anger, shame, fear and envy. We use sex or emotional
dependence as substitutes for nurturing, care, and support.
We use sex
and emotional involvement to manipulate and control others.
immobilized or seriously distracted by romantic or sexual obsessions or fantasies.
avoid responsibility for ourselves by attaching ourselves to people who are emotionally
We stay enslaved to emotional dependency, romantic intrigue,
or compulsive sexual activities.
To avoid feeling vulnerable, we may retreat
from all intimate involvement, mistaking sexual and emotional anorexia for recovery.
assign magical qualities to others. We idealize and pursue them, then blame them
for not fulfilling our fantasies and expectations.
In maintaining my sobriety, I find it more
useful to keep in mind what I call my top line rather than my bottom line. My
top line is what I do want for myself, my program goals.
I want to integrate
myself physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually; to relate to others
from a state of wholeness; to live making decisions from a place of freedom and
clarity rather than compulsion and confusion; to feel sufficiently safe to stay
open enough to find the little realities of life moving, rather than needing to
get dropped off a cliff to get a thrill. I want to be present, see things the
way they are, and be glad to be alive. These things are beginning to happen for
If we are painstaking about this phase of our
development, we will be amazed before we are half way through. We are going
to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor
wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will
know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how
our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity
will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest
in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook
upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave
us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle
us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do
for ourselves. Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They
are being fulfilled among us — Sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly.
They will always materialize If we work for them.
Now we were truly feeling some sense
of deep release from the past! We were free of much guilt for our misdeeds,
from the shame of having fallen short of our inner values. In many instances,
the values we had thought were ours had turned out to be someone else’s.
We had shed or changed these to allow the seeds of our own personal wholeness
to take root and grow.
We were indeed living new, positive, unfolding lives.
Whether in partnership with others or in solitude, we had truly been granted a
spiritual release from our sex and love addiction. While vigilance was still
important, the choices we had to make now seemed easier. We felt increasing
confidence in our developing partnership with God, and were full participants
in the fellowship of S.L.A.A. We enjoyed solitude and were unafraid of honesty
and openness with others. We could comprehend what it means to have dignity
The Promises (drafted by the Daytona, Florida, SLAA
If you have decided to follow the suggestions in this program,
a new life will begin to unfold within you. Along with this new life are
promises that will guide and sustain you. They are manifested among us in
sobriety, sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. These are the promises we
in SLAA have found:
We will regain control of our lives.
will begin to feel dignity and respect for ourselves.
The loneliness will
subside and we will begin to enjoy being alone.
We will no longer be plagued
by an unceasing sense of longing.
In the company of family and friends,
we will be with them in body and mind.
We will pursue interests and activities
that we desire for ourselves.
Love will be a committed, thoughtful decision
rather than a feeling by which we are overwhelmed.
We will love and accept
We will relate to others from a state of wholeness.
will extend ourselves for the purpose of nurturing our own or another's spiritual
We will make peace with our past and make amends to those we have
We will be thankful for what has been given us, what has been taken
away, and what has been left behind.
God, grant me
the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change
the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Living one day
at a time, enjoying one moment at a time, accepting hardship as a pathway
to peace; taking, as God did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would
have it; trusting that You will make all things right if I surrender to
Your will; so that I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely
happy with You forever in the next. Amen. — Reinhold
At Step Three, many of
us said to our Maker, as we understood Him: God, I offer myself to
Thee, to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage
of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory
over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy
Way of life. May I do Thy will always! We thought well before
taking this Step, making sure we were ready. Then we could commence to abandon
ourselves utterly to Him.
This passage immediately
follows after the steps 1 through 5 have been explained
the first five proposals we ask if we have omitted anything, for we are building
an arch through which we shall walk a free man at last. Is our work solid so far?
Are the stones properly in place? Have we skimped on the cement put into the foundation?
Have we tried to make mortar without sand? If we can answer to our satisfaction,
we then look at Step Six. We have emphasized willingness as being indispensable.
Are we now ready to let God remove from us all the things which we have admitted
are objectionable? Can He now take them all - every one? If we still cling to
something we will not let go, we ask God to help us be willing. When ready,
we say something like this: My Creator, I am willing that You
should have all of me, good and bad. I pray that You now remove from me every
single defect of character which stands in the way of my usefulness to You and
my fellows. Grant me strength as I go out from here to do your bidding.
We have then completed Step Seven.
Lord, make me a channel
of Thy peace — that where there is hatred, I may bring love —
that where there is wrong, I may bring the spirit of forgiveness — that
where there is discord, I may bring harmony — that where there is error,
I may bring truth — that where there is doubt, I may bring faith —
that where there is despair, I may bring hope — that where there are
shadows, I may bring light — that where there is sadness, I may bring
joy. God, grant that I may seek rather to comfort, than to be comforted —
to understand, than to be understood — to love, than to be loved.
For it is by self-forgetting that one finds. It is by forgiving that one is
forgiven. It is by dying that one awakens to Eternal Life. Amen
of St. Francis (another version)
Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love. Where there is injury, pardon.
Where there is doubt, faith. Where there is despair, hope. Where there
is darkness, light. Where there is sadness, joy. O Divine Master, grant
that I may not so much seek To be consoled as to console. To be understood
as to understand. To be loved as to love. For it is in giving that we
receive. It is in pardoning that we are pardoned. It is in dying that
we are born to eternal life.
It is easy to let up on the spiritual program of
action and rest on our laurels. We are headed for trouble if we do, for alcohol
is a subtle foe. We are not cured of alcoholism. What we really have is a daily
reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition. Every day is
a day when we must carry the vision of God’s will into all of our activities.
“How can I best serve Thee — Thy will (not mine) be done.”
These are thoughts which must go with us constantly. We can exercise our will
power along this line all we wish. It is the proper use of the will.
Our book is meant to be suggestive only. We realize we
know only a little. God will constantly disclose more to you and to us.
Ask Him in your morning meditation what you can do each day for the man who is
still sick. The answers will come, if your own house is in order.
But obviously you cannot transmit something you haven't got. See to it
that your relationship with Him is right, and great events will come to pass for
you and countless others. This is the Great Fact for us.
yourself to God as you understand God. Admit your faults to Him and to your
fellows. Clear away the wreckage of your past. Give freely of what
you find and join us. We shall be with you in the Fellowship of the Spirit,
and you will surely meet some of us as you trudge the Road of Happy Destiny.
And acceptance is the
answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find
some person, place, thing or situation — some fact of my life — unacceptable
to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing or
situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment.
absolutely nothing happens in God's world by mistake. Until I could accept
my alcoholism, I could not stay sober; unless I accept life completely on life's
terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs
to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes.